The first question to consider before starting out on this adventure together is, why ? What is the thinking behind it ? The thinking is to simply set out a new way of looking at intimate and private and deep relationships, one that will hopefully work for mankind, in a way that is of benefit and service for us all.
This website presents a revolutionary new way of looking at relationships. It puts forward the idea that we need a new form of intimate relationships which can satisfy our deeper yearnings at the dawn of a new Millennium. In this section of the website, therefore, we will be discussing the basic parameters of the concept of the wisdom affair, examining what exactly a Wisdom Affair might be, and how it can be defined.
There has been a long tradition of wisdom affairs in human history, but for the large part it has been esoteric, something kept from the normal everyday news-on-the-street. In Buddhist tradition, or example, particularly in the Vajrayana and Mahayana schools of thought, there has long been the tantric teaching that loving couples can experience such a profound state of wisdom and bliss, that it can assist and help them as an aid towards enlightenment. Indeed, this dyadic basis to the Vajrayana teachings is shown in most of their sacred art (thangkas) where the act of maithuna is seen as a metaphor for enlightenment itself. These teachings were taken by Padmasambhva to Tibet and became central to Tibetan Buddhist esotericism. His consort, Yeshe Tsogyel, wrote about their experiences together, and in so doing became one of the first female mystics of world history to write about her inner life. Many other famous female Vajrayana teachers are known from esoteric Tibetan history.
Similarly, on the other side of the Eurasian continent, in the Celtic world, Druidic teachings on relationships and sexuality can be summed up as equivalent to the idea of the Wisdom Affair – Druids were responsible for marrying couples in their community at sacred ceremonies, and such marriages would last for a set time according to the regular cycles of astronomical and astrological phenomena – a moon wedding, was the appropriate ceremony for the kind of passionate attraction between two people who might encounter one another on their life’s journey, but which for numerous reasons were unable to become life long partners. Such moon marriages were not seen as any less sacred than other marriages, just shorter. Perhaps one could experience all one needed to in such an intense yet outwardly brief time. The moon marriage might however be extended if the couple got on so well they wanted to, and to could be extended moon after moon, being extended to a mercury marriage, lasting as long as the recurring cycle of mercury’s orbit around the sun. Or it might even become a sun marriage, lasting for a full solar year. These teachings, attested to by ancient sources, gave an equal say in all love, sexuality and relationship matters to women as well as men, and the Druids (the Celtic priests) were themselves both men and women equally. One of the reasons for their fierce resistance to the Roman conquest of Britain, was their belief that in Roman society, which gave absolute power to the Pater Familias (the strictly male head of the household) there was damage being done to the sacred equilibrium of the microcosm, which itself mirrored the divine macrocosmic partnership between God and Goddess in sacred union, whose joint love and power had brought the very universe into being. Nor did all Druids accept the insights of exoteric Christianity, with its insistence on monotheism and monogamy. Monogamy was something the Druids did not have to practice, with both men and women being allowed to have several (manageable and magical) partners, similar to, but different from Islam, where only males are allowed this possibility. The modern resurgence of the idea of polyamory is perhaps closest to this ancient Druid and Celtic custom, which is not the same as mere unthinking hedonism at all. This is not to say however, that every Druid couple were necessarily practicing a wisdom affair, by definition – nor that every couple married by a Druid were doing so – only that it is more likely than not that some such teachings were part of their formal and informal arrangements, given that a Druid’s life was dedicated to the pursuit and dissemination of learning, wisdom, spirituality and love for the benefit of the entire community. Before Caesar tried to destroy them, the Druids were the spiritual elders of large parts of Northern and Western Europe all the way from the Danube to the Orkney isles, and Gallicia to Bantry Bay. Europe is littered with their vestiges in sacred sites and remote groves which still whisper with their ancient wisdom, and are ideal places for Wisdom Lovers to enjoy each other’s sacred company…
In Islamic traditions, Sufism likewise has long advocated the idea of a loving spiritual relationship as being a short and sure way to encounter the beloved in human form. Muhammad himself adored women which is why he kept marrying them ! One reason for the popular spread of Islam was its rejection of enforced celibacy and embrace of sexuality as something infinitely sacred to God. The love poems that Ibn Arabi wrote, for example, are well known, as are the great poems of Rumi. Indeed Islam itself can be seen as having contributed greatly to the development of the notion of the wisdom affair, since Muhammad himself was deeply fond of women and committed to relationships as a sacred and spiritual practice in and of itself. There would indeed have never been such a thing as Islam without Khadijah, Muhammad’s first wife, and the first believer in his spiritual message, who was also the mother of Fatimah, wife of Ali, and an important link in Sufi, Ismaeli and Shiia teachings. She was undoubtedly his first and most important Wisdom Affair. But nowadays, many Islamic wives are treated far worse than she would ever have put up with ! One of Muhammad’s main problems with Christian teachings, as they had developed by his era, was the emphasis on celibacy for the monks and nuns, which seemed to his straightforward mind, to go against the loving grace of God, who as Creator, surely was on the side of life and form, love and sexuality ! Likewise, in the teachings of Sufism, there is the undoubted recognition of the importance of spiritual relationship as the primary vehicle for transmitting grace, from generation of generation, from seeker to seeker. Each aspirant Sufi must seek out and find a Pir, or teacher, who can pass on to them their innermost esoteric wisdom and spiritual knowledge. Many Sufis in this chain were women as well as men, and still are. In his own spiritual autobiography, written about his early years of spiritual searching in Islamic Spain, Ibn Arabi describes his meetings with several profound female spiritual teachers.True Islam is about Joy, Peace and Joyism and has nothing whatsoever to do with terrorism in its original conception.
Likewise the same can be said of Sikhism, where the 10 Gurus had loving consorts and mystical friends to support and aid them, and certainly of Hinduism, which had deeply advanced teachings on the importance of sacred relationships as the path to uphold Dharma. There are innumerable examples from Hindu sacred history of the ideal couple, who, by their common devotion to love and wisdom, succeed in righting the wrongs of their era. Furthermore, in the Kama Sutra and its related writings, they have an ancient an unbroken tradition of the teachings about the sacred aspects of sexuality, which we can assume other cultures also had, but in large part have lost. Taoism and Shintoism however have also preserved important ancient texts about sacred sexuality, both of which put forward the view similar to the practice of the wisdom affair, that relationship is about more than simply having a family, or the comfort of companionship and children, but rather a deeply spiritual path towards enlightenment health and wisdom, which helps top preserve mankind itself from calamity. These teachings also make it plain that women as well as men are entitled to full sexual enjoyment and that men need to learn how to pleasure a women completely as part of their own dharmic practice. Cruelty in marriage was never part of the dharma teachings and current practices of female infanticide or wife burnings are an abomination utterly ruled out in the Wisdom Affair model of equality in sacred relationships.
Indeed, in esoteric Christianity the identical idea is also there – that a wisdom affair, or creative dyadic partnership between a loving couple, is in fact enabling one to harness the secret regenerative energies of all existence. Christ himself is said to have said “the world depends on sacred marriage”. Nor can the recent interest in the Da Vinci Code and the ancient tradition of the secret marriage of Jesus and Mary Magdalene mean anything other but that they were themselves wisdom lovers of a high initiatory degree, if not actually then at least archetypally. We are actually organising a conference devoted to the study of Mary Magdalene traditions on July 22, 2017 here in France, which is a country especially associate with her teachings. Any Christians who wish to explore the meaning of a “Wisdom Affair” in a Christian context would do well to attend. The are traditions that the Knights Templar were also initiated into esoteric traditions associated with Christian approaches to sexuality, although this was a matter of great controversy that brought about their downfall as people were not ready for this at the time. Rosicrucianism is another Christian tradition that used sexual symbolism to talk about the inner marriage of soul, spirit and body, and Gnostic Christians were generally more aware of the importance of practicing sacred sexuality as part of the cosmic work of redemption, the re-balancing of the “fall”. The reformation movements also saw a re acceptance of sacred sexuality within mainstream Christianity and marriage possibilities opened up for the priesthood in the reformed churches. St Peter himself had been married and women were always part of Christ’s inner circles. Ongoing research is still needed into the gender history of Christ’s own personal history. Many advanced mystics in Christianity however chose a celibate path and devoted their lives to prayer, study and charitable works. These two in their own ways followed a Wisdom Affair path, only of a celibate variety, such as St Francis and St Claire. Christ taught his disciples to develop “agape” which is a form of love that sets the heart on fire with compassion and love for others and good works. This too is a form of Wisdom Affair.
Similarly in ancient Egypt, sexuality was seen as a sacred blessing and relationships were indeed seen as wisdom affairs in which the couple re-enacted the sacred marriage of Osiris and Isis, and brought blessings to the community and to all mankind in so doing. Advanced teachings on sacred sexuality were given in certain temple schools by high intitiates, and the Pharaoh and his consorts were also seen as the guarantors of Cosmic Order (Maat) which depended on the right relations between men and women, powered by loving sexuality and divine enlovement.
Modern Wiccan tradition, and other modern pagan schools in the West, have also retained these teachings in the practice of the great rite, in which sacred sexuality is part of their own initiatory experiences, and in which the couple enact this sacred rite for the enlightenment and fecundisation of their overall community – as above, so below. In the Norse traditions, sacred sexuality was part of the magical tradition of Seidr which was taught to Odin, wisest of the Gods, and which he encapsulated in the teaching of the Runes, the magical alphabet of the Norse, Germanic and Anglo Saxon tribes. Seidr was in the domain of Freyja, the Goddess of Love and Sexuality, who gives her name to Friday, the Norse equivalent of Vendredi (Venus’es Day). The Tree of Yggdrasil, in which the entire cosmos and all its galaxies and meta-galactic clusters hangs amidst its branches, is also the tree of life that sits inside each human being, and in sacred lovemaking, when two trees unite, they bring new galaxies into being also… These mysteries of Seidr are only now being reactivated by some wise Rune teachers who walk among us once again..
And in Judaism, sacred sexuality was part of the path of Abraham and the patriarchs, bequeathed to Isaac and Jacob and on to the 12 tribes. But it goes right back to Adam, and Enoch.. the Jewish teaching of the Kabbalah contains detailed information on sacred sexuality as part of the religious duty of a loving couple, united by the Holy One in a sacred ceremony blessed by the angelic powers. The Jewish understanding of marriage is undoubtedly one which has the same force as a wisdom affair, in its original intention. It is the women of the house who light the sacred Sabbath candles, for example, and the reason no work is allowed on the Sabbath is not only because everyone is supposed to be concentrating on God, but also because the man and the woman are supposed to devote part of that evening to the sacred rite of sexual communion, which reaffirms in macrocosm the eternal covenant between spirit and matter, form and emptiness…
But a Wisdom Affair is not only, or mostly, about sexuality – it is rather about mutual love of each other, within the context of the mutual love for wisdom. It is a half-way house between total renunciation of the world (often advocated by those who are serious about the spiritual path, such as the Jesuits of the Roman Catholic priesthood, or Jain monks) and those who would affirm the world, and become householders and bring happy and loving families into the world. Is there not a way that we can satisfy both our spiritual needs for enlightenment, for renunciation, and also our physical needs, for family, home, warmth, love, companionship ?
Often the innermost teachings on sacred sexuality have been kept hidden from the masses, as the preserve of secret orders of initiated mystics, such as wandering Saivite sadhus, or Mahayana Buddhist tantrics, or even of Emperors and Kings, who were enabled in their harems to explore the full delights of the erotic aspects of human experience. Emperor Akbar for example, had a harem in his Mughal palaces, apparently with 1000 women consorts eager for his company, and many other Muslim rulers both in India and in the Ottoman realms did the same. Even today both in Persia and the Arabian Peninsula those wealthy enough to experience this kind of life style often take advantage of their success in life in this fashion. But it is often one sided, to the benefit of the male rather than the equal benefit of the female. Even Akbar, liberal and wise in so many other respects, refused to allow his son Prince Selim to enjoy his own Wisdom Affair with Anarkali, a famous dancer at court, with whom Selim was deeply involved. This even led to conflict between Akbar and Selim. Tragically, Selim eventually became the cruel and persecutory Emperor Jahangir, who reversed Akbar’s tolerance of many faiths and spiritual teachings, or his father’s eclectic humility in relationship to spiritual wisdom seekers of all paths. Jahangir on the contrary became a more strictly fanatical and literal minded practitioner of Islam, who persecuted many non-Muslims and had the Sikh’s 5th Guru, Arjan, cruelly tortured to death (Arjan was the compiler of the Adi Granth, the sacred scripture of the Sikhs). Perhaps all this cruelty was brought about by his own failure to find the wisdom path in love and by the tragic conflict he had with his own father. How many more examples could we quote from psychohistory ? History is actually littered with examples of couples who have failed to find their way to the path of the wisdom affair, with tragic consequences – yet it is also filled with examples of couples who have succeeded in doing so, to the betterment and advancement of mankind and our overall wisdom potential.
There is so much more that could be said defining a Wisdom Affair – but it is also up to each person, each couple, each creative dyad, to find out for themselves – one of the most beautiful things about life is that it is open ended, ongoing, creative. As Whitehead and other process philosophers have put it: – wisdom is a process, a journey, not a fixed static thing. In this sense the theory of the Wisdom Affair is the application of process philosophy to relationships – keeping a structure, yet allowing openness, spontaneity, magic, grace, and bliss to shine through. As we open our hearts to the possibility of the divine, of the possibility of wonder – then magic can truly begin to happen; synchronicity can flourish, and we can live according to the rules of truth, justice and compassion which were endowed from the very beginning of beginning-less time. In this sense the Wisdom Affair model behind this Dating Service is not meant to be prescriptive but rather explorative.
Likewise, this model also presents the beginnings of a theological revolution, caused by the simple grammatical observation that God is not a noun, but rather a verb – God, Goddess, gather, goodness, togetherness, gathering. All these words are etymologically related. Wherever two are gathered together in my name… begins to make sense, finally… Another metaphor might be that of Noah’s ark – just as the animals were gathered in two by two, so perhaps there is an esoteric teaching here, that in the creative wisdom affair, the dyad, we can build a vehicle of relatedness than may help save spaceship earth from the destruction that would otherwise appear to be imminent.
To sum up – a wisdom affair is a new form of sacred relationship for a loving couple, who for the time being agree to sublimate sexual experiences and also to work to advance their intellectual, spiritual and emotional well being together. In time, it may grow into something more like a conventional marriage – in which case we ask the couple concerned to leave the Wisdom Affairs website if they want – and tell us their good news. We are also happy to arrange a special Druid wedding ceremony here in central France if couples who have met through our service wish to celebrate here, and we are happy to organise things. Our work is accomplished then. But that is if the couple are adopting one particular model of the Wisdom Affair (faithful to the exclusion of all other Wisdom Affairs). It may be that couples wish to affirm each other as a Wisdom Affair, and even a marriage, yet also be open to other, perhaps Platonic, forms of Wisdom Affairs. In each case it will differ. It might also be that a give couple are already married, but wish to renew or strengthen their vows by undertaking to convert their marriage into a Wisdom Affair – in which case perhaps they will fall in love with each other all over again ! Just tell us your situation when you complete the Membership Form and we will take care of the rest !
For the time being the Wisdom Affairs Dating Service is operational in English and French, and is a bi-lingual service based in France and the UK, but in time we hope to embrace speakers of others languages. As an Agency we together celebrate the ancient ties of Britain and France, England, Scotland, Wales and Ireland, and their incredible richness of the history of courtly love traditions, but anyone can join whatever their region of origin, culture, or religious faith. We believe that Wisdom and Love encompass the entire globe and bring light and peace to us all…